They 2 Stay

Neither He nor She: Existing Outside of the Gender Binary

They/Them Pronouns and Non-Binary People

Answers to common questions

First of all, don't panic. Typically the they/thems around your neighborhood are tame and not prone to aggression. Most are friendly when not threatened and enjoy the company of humans and other animals. If you choose to approach one, offering cookies, chocolate or some form of caffeinated beverage is usually a good way to establish rapport and make it easier to earn their trust. When met with kindness, you'll find that most make good friends. ;)

Help! I just met a they/them. What should I do?

The pronouns of they and them are frequently used by nonbinary people to represent their identity as neither male nor female. The use of the singular they is not new. Found in English literature as early as 1375, it has been around since before the singular you gained traction in the 17th century.

Why are the pronouns they/them used?

What does it mean to be non-binary?

Nonbinary is a broad term used to describe individuals whose gender experience is neither exclusively male nor female or is between or beyond both genders. Many nonbinary people are transgender, meaning that their gender identity doesn’t match the sex they were assigned at birth. They may also undergo medical treatment to allow their physical characteristics to better align with their identity.

Pronouns are identifiers, just like a person’s name. It’s common courtesy to address others by their correct name. The same holds true for pronouns. If you don’t think it’s a big deal, imagine someone persistently referring to you as ‘she’ if you’re a male, or ‘he’ if you’re a female. Most people would find that rude and inappropriate. The same thing is true even when someone uses pronouns different from what you are used to.

Why do pronouns matter?

Isn't calling yourself non-binary just a new trend?

No, non-binary people have existed throughout recorded history and many cultures have gender designations in addition to male and female.. However, it was not until fairly recently did the English language have its own vocabulary to describe these individuals.

For most people, sex and gender correspond with one another. However, they are two separate things. Gender pertains to identity and culture. Sex relates to physical characteristics. But the biology of sex is complex. For example, most people are XX or XY, but some people are XXY or XO. There are also XY people with female physical characteristics and XX people with male characteristics. Beyond that, physical and hormonal traits vary widely throughout the human population. There isn’t a single characteristic that can define how a person’s sex should be assigned.

What about the biological basis of sex and gender?

Learn More

The following websites provide more in-depth information about nonbinary people, history, pronouns, and medical care. Even if you don’t want to learn more, and are still uncomfortable with the idea of nonbinary people, just remember that as humans, we’re all more alike than different.